The Military Wife

The good Lord was creating a model for military wives and was into his sixth day of overtime when an angel appeared. She said, “Lord, you seem to be having a lot of trouble with this one. What’s the matter with the standard model?” The Lord replied, “Have you seen the specs on this order? She has to be completely independent, posses the qualities of both father and mother, be a perfect hostess to four or forty with an hour’s notice, run on black coffee, handle every emergency imaginable without a manual, be able to carry on cheerfully, ever if she’s pregnant and has the flu, and she must be willing to move 10 times in 17 years. And oh, yes, she must have six pairs of hands.”The angel shook her head. “Six pairs of hands? No way!” The Lord continued, “Don’t worry, we shall make other military wives to help her. And we will give her an unusually strong heart so it can swell with pride in her husband’s achievements, sustain the pain of separations, beat soundly when it’s over-worked and tired, and be large enough to say ‘I understand,’ when she does not, and say ‘I love you,’ regardless.”The angel circled the model of the military wife, looked at it closely and sighed, “It looks fine, but it’s too soft.” “She might look soft,” replied the Lord, “but she has the strength of a lion. You would not believe what she can endure.” Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek of the Lord’s creation. “There’s a leak,” she announced. “Something is wrong with the construction. I am not surprised that it has cracked. You are trying to put too much into this model.”The Lord appeared offended at the angel’s lack of confidence. What you see is not a leak,” he said. “It’s a tear.” “A tear? What is it there for?” asked the angel. The Lord replied, “It’s for joy, sadness, pain, disappointment, loneliness, pride and a dedication to all the values that she and her husband hold dear.” “You are a genius!” exclaimed the angel. The Lord looked puzzled and replied, “I didn’t put it there.”

Moving blues....

Well I'm very ready to move. It should be a pretty painless process lol. I got Dawn's carpet cleaner so now I won't have to pay anyone, but I am freaking out because Garrett still hasn't gotten our AER loan, and without it we don't have any rent money!!! Grr. We have to pay it tomorrow! No choice! Or we don't get our keys. But he hasn't been in the office all day so he has no idea if it's been approved or not. There is no reason it shouldn't be approved, other than pure laziness. Grr. Something happened to my blog by the way when my computer froze the other night, which explains why my background looks how it looks. Anyway That is all, gotta figure this crap out!

What's going on...

Okay, so the last couple of days have been pretty rough. I am so stinking moody, I feel like I'm always yelling at my husband. I think the thing that I am so upset about is that he is leaving so soon. I love him so much and I dunno what to do without him. In other news, we are moving back on post, I went in to the office to see what the heck was going on because we still hadn't heard anything (on Tuesday, Jan. 14) and they said they were waiting on us to tell them we sold our house, well shoot, we did that 2 times already. But anyway so they had two houses available for us, one in Hammond Heights... yuck.... And one in Gardner Hills, which isn't great either, not nearly as nice as Heather and Jason's, at least from the outside. But hey it'll work for now, we can start saving money soon. It was a HUGE pain in the butt to get everything situated, and I felt like it was all on me. Lately I've gotten really tired of being a stinking Army wife. It just stinks that our husbands are on call 24/7. Garrett has been REALLY late allllll week. I guess I have just felt so alone, and he says he'll be home early and he still gets home late. I just see how it's going to be to not be able to get ahold of him whenever I want, or see him when I want, or anything. Grr. I also see what it's like to hear Mommy Mommy Mommy ALLLLLL day. I love that little angel, but there comes a time when you wanna talk to someone over the age of two. :o) Anyway the good news is that we get our keys January 23rd at 2:00 p.m. And they are coming to pack and move all of our stuff for us, for free.... YAY. That brightened my week. But I'm feeling sick again, so I'm going to go lay down just thought I'd catch up. Oh, and I start school on Tuesday the 22nd, I'm taking 20 hours... that should be fun. Especially with moving... Garrett leaving.... and I am feeling sick... Dang it. Pray for me.

Interviews....

So today I had two interviews...and tomorrow I should have another. I have to get a job eventually right? But they were for Dr. Offices so that is good. They offered me a position as a patient aide, but I do NOT wanna give people baths and clean up their poop and whatnot... so I said no thanks. Plus I'm pretty sure they don't get paid much. I have one kid, I don't wanna clean up after anyone else. Anyway so I can graduate in August if I want to, but I might put it off one term and take one less class this term, cuz I really wanna work. But Garrett is leaving so grr I don't know. Anyway I wonder when he is going to get home anyway, it's 6:00 and I still haven't even talked to him? Oh well that is all!

Just some Grey's Anatomy...

Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.

Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?

At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away.

~At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, it's usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them. The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need.

"At some point you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out, they fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So you can waste your life drawing lines, or you can live your life crossing them."

Maybe we're not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate.

I'm all glued back together now. I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke. You don't get to call me a whore."

The fact is, lying is a necessity. We lie to ourselves because the truth... the truth freaking hurts."

No matter how hard you fight it, you fall. And it's scary as hell. If there's an upside to free falling - it's the chance you give your friends to catch you.

You do not get unlimited chances to have the things we want. And this I know. Nothing is worse than missing an opportunity that could change your life

The lottery....

Why can't we just win the lottery or something? I feel like I've been trying to get a job forever and no one has even called me. It just sucks, I mean we can pay our bills and we still have a little left over, I just hate everything being so tight. It just seems like everytime we think we're gonna have extra something happens. For example this month we had to buy tags for my car, which is like 70 bucks. That money doesn't come from nowhere. I feel like I'm not contributing at all, but I don't wanna start working at some crappy place, like taco bell or something and then when school starts and Garrett leaves I won't be with McKaillyn at all. I was just looking at the classes for school and I have taken almost EVERYTHING they are offering, which in a sense is a good thing, but then again it's a bad thing, because after this term I think I'm going to have to go to the main campus and take 16 week classes. If that happens I'm going to have to work in Hoptown, or switch schools or something. Grr. It's nice to know that as far as taxes go though we only have to file income, no bonus, bah, or food allowance, and that will for sure make a difference. Anyway, just need a good job that I can work only like 20 hours a week, so when I'm gonig to school that much it will be a full time job and I'll still be able to see my kid lol. Anyway, McKaillyn has been screaming for 10 minutes because I won't let her go play with her new potty so I'm gonna write more later.

My Family

Well I'm new to this whole blogging thing, my friend Heather told me I should do it, so I'm trying it. I actually already stinking wrote a blog earlier today and it wouldn't go through because I put exclamation marks, and then it just deleted. Grr. Anyway, my name is Stephanie, I grew up and graduated in Moore, OK. I went to the University of Oklahoma for a semester... then moved to Texas to go to college. Which is where I met my husband of 2 years, Garrett. I am a full time student at HCC, for now. I eventually wanna get my master's and at least for this week I wanna be a PA. No matter what I know I wanna do something in the medical field, but I do NOT wanna be a nurse. I am going to go ahead and take as many classes at HCC as I can just because it's so much cheaper. I just stopped working at the hospital, and really need to find a part time job but I think it's going to be really hard because my husband is about to deploy. He is in the U.S. Army and is one of the best soldiers and NCO's that I know. The fact that he is such a great soldier is part of the reason I am so attracted to him. He leaves in Feb. 08' for Afghanistan, for 15 months. Man that sucks... Anyway the main reason I think it will be hard is because I don't want someone else raising my child. Don't get me wrong, I have the best baby sitter in the world, but I wanna teach her her letters and colors. We are about to start potty training today, yay... McKaillyn Grace is her name, she will be 20 months Jan of 08', that's so weird to say 08'. Anyway she is amazing, she is already talking so much, and she is getting so big. I think she is the reason I was put on this earth. We have also been trying to get pregnant since September, and we have two months left, so we'll see what happens. Hopefully it happens, I would really like my kids to only be 3 years apart, if we wait til he gets back they will be almost 4 years apart. And hopefully it's a boy so I can be done, lol.

Well I have made a lot of great friends here, but I will always miss my family and friends back home. My best friend back home, Alyssa finally met a great guy, Matt. I am so glad, she deserves the best. I know she is so confused about what to do with the rest of her life, but hey, aren't we all, if anyone has any idea as to how to make that decision let me in... My other best friend, Josh is getting married to a great girl too, Becca. I'm so excited I'm going to be a bridesmaid. They deserve each other, I remember him always telling me he'd never meet anyone, but 2 months later he met the love of his life. It's amazing. And all of my friends here are going through the same thing I am , the stress of the guys leaving. Garrett is leaving in a month and I'm gonna do it all by myself for 15 months, I know we have a strong relationship but not seeing someone for over a year is hard. I love him and he is worth the wait it's just hard right now, because I feel like we don't get to spend much time together and we need to cherish every second, because although we don't like to say it, there is NO guarantee that they are all coming back. But our life isn't complete without him, so he has to come back, I think he knows that though.

Anyway I think that's enough for today, I'm gonna go play with my daughter some more. Write more later.